Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
