I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
