Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
