she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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