she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
