Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
