Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
