Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
