In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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