Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
