my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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