I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
