we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
