I think I am morally bankrupt
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
