I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
