My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I bet he comes in French.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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