I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
this will be a night to untag.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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