I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
