Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
