We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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