So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
