no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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