what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
