Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
