I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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