Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
