you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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