"it" just moved
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
