what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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