She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
