Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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