Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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