i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
