It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Randomize
