oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
