your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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