Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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