Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my being single is dangerous.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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