dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
