If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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