You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
