Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
