Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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