You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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