dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
