Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
