I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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