I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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