I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
