I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
