If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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