I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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