what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Randomize
